What would the wedding vows between a narc and an every day girl who no doubt has her own issues…but one of those issues certainly is not demonstrating narcissistic behavior.

Am I a narcissist for writing this? Am I painting myself as a victim in a self-made massacre??

I sit in this empty parking lot, thinking about how just 2 days ago it felt like it would get better. He made so many promises and so many pleas…I almost foolishly believed him.

But when the party was over…it was over. He had nothing left to add, only so much more to take. My heart aching for a promise of a love that was real but my mind breaking from the evidence of a cruel punishment from a monster born as a result of trauma.

We were meant to get married!! We probably still are. I dont know, it’s not like things between a narc are ever definitive, it is whatever they need it to be in that moment.

It is a special month for me and I have yet to begin the celebrations while focusing on the pain…but eventually I will come to and go on with my life as if he never existed…

It’s a daunting and horrific thought…but it gives me peace. The only “I do” I may be saying is to take myself as mine to protect and hold.