How often does one have the time to stop and think about how your narc or abuser got to be that way?

Sometimes it’s all you think about, in some crazy sort of mind voodoo, we convince ourselves that it’s the how and the why that matters more than the “get the hell out of there”.

Whether you’ve solved the chaos conundrum of their lives and lack of human emotions, or whether the thought of it leaves you just as confused…either way, something can be said for the history of the socio/psychopath.

With my last relationship, the physical and emotional abuser…you did not have to look very far in order to figure out where his tendencies stemmed from. His father was exactly the same way, as was his grandfather. He suffered no childhood trauma that caused him to become violent, it was simply a matter of both nature and nurture combining to form one severely f’d up person.

With my current narc…this guys life has been rough, he has been at the mercy of so so many traumas, one that would have had most people taking their own lives. The fact that he is brave enough to do it, makes me wholly aware of his courage for choosing to live every single day.

That said, we can choose to live but if us living means we are destroying and never living, it is as cowardice as the former option.

His family are as close as close could be, in theory! When it comes to the practical application of love and family, by any and most standards they fall short. While mostly absent for a number of his traumas, the choice to turn a blind eye to his psychosis gives him the bounce board that he needs in order to justify his actions and behavior.

All you need is one equally damaged person telling you how it’s okay to shame your partner publicly in order to make it not just right, but necessary. Every single time you break that person down, you have the support in the form of insults or manipulative behavior…how would you discern that perhaps there’s a problem…and that problem is you!

This kind of negligence in the form of chosen ignorance by the families of sociopaths and psychopaths is a growing and terrifying problem. If the people who are no longer able to tell the difference between right or wrong arent held accountable by their families…the disease starts to spread. When the family supports the behavior (which is more often than not), the disease becomes a fully thriving cancer, that is not just a killer to the carrier but also to those around them.

If you are in a situation where your other half is treating you in a destructive manner, and the family members have not yet stepped in out of their own accord…run. You telling them is not going to help, in fact it will add to the “you’re crazy” saga that has already been carefully executed.

That’s part of the problem right there…

The care and accuracy with which the smear campaign is run is with the type of strategic precision that the military would do well with. You are your own worst enemy when blinded by love, because you are no longer aware of the pieces that have been put into place in order to make you look a certain way.

The choice becomes simple, walk on eggshells and always be on your best behavior, or, react the way you are completely allowed to and become the crazy person to the people who enable your kryptonite.

Not all abusers or narcs are bad all the time, some arent inherently bad at all…the fact that their disorders are swept underneath the rug starts to create a new picture for their world! They are sometimes as much a victim as you are a casualty in their destruction party.

The point is, if you are the family member of a destroyer, step up and step in! It is your responsibility to take action and protect the people who will fall prey to their destruction.

If you are on the receiving end, dont ignore the signs, if it’s not normal or acceptable to you, don’t compromise on your normal that is stable in order to be accepted into a closed society that is happy to watch your demise.

Your instinct is always right and sometimes history does not lie!