Don’t all attack me at once!! Hang on!

Yes I am aware of the textbook abusers use of manipulation and guilting the abusee into feeling like they are responsible for their behavior!

I know exactly how therapists feel about ever trying to shimmy blame away from the savage! Don’t even for a second think that I disagree with that!

Whenever I engage in an abusive relationship or suffer at the hands of the narc (yes it happens more often than I care to admit)…the only thing that helps me start the healing process is when I take control!

Control…control is a power struggle…mainly because people dont accept that a portion control is made up from responsibility and accountability! Narcs and abusive people are not in control which is why they try so desperately to break the system down, in order to create chaos and render everyone powerless…like them!!

Can we be in control without responsibility? Maybe, but I don’t believe so! Saying that i had no part to play means that i was in fact at the mercy of this person and i am a victim! I won’t have that! If me training my control and taking back my power means accepting responsibility for the decisions that LED me to them, then i accept it 100%!

We are never in control of another’s behavior, there is no responsibility to accept for bad behavior or inhumane actions…that remains solely with the perp…but your choices and your decisions, those still belong to you!!!

How do I get here so often?!

Because I dont take responsibility! Blaming “Billy Beat Down” means that I have learned nothing and I am still susceptible to that type of behavior because we can say what we want to, dress it up with as many ribbons and bows and colognes as money can buy…but the blueprint is always the same! ALWAYS!!

The point is, maybe the sooner we start taking responsibility for our actions, the sooner we may start seeing a change in our internal healing and a plugging and mending of the reason we seek out these types of people as much as they seek us out.

I want to know that whatever happened, played because I led myself to the Narc and not because i am a puppet who is easy to manipulate, sometimes it is the good in the person that leads them to their abuser, we cannot be sorry for the good, but we can be sorry for what transpired.

Narcs, abusers, psychopaths and sociopaths all have their own healing to do, but whatever lives within the cage of their minds will prevent them from seeking help or at the very least, help for them to avoid destroying others. This goes against their very nature and as hard as it is for those on the receiving end, it must be pretty terrifying to have a moment of clarity where you realize that YOU are the monster and as quickly as you realize it is as quickly as you slip back into the limbo of your horrid pattern!

I would hate that more than I hate the pain and the rebuilding…I love that I have the ability to learn, to change to become more! The true definition of someone with this diagnosis is powerless! They are slaves to their chemical imbalances, helpless to their nature and victims of their own idiosyncrasies!

If nothing else, appreciate your ability to assume responsibility and accountability and the fact that you have only ever been hurt as a result of your own freewill leading you to believe in someone else…

You will never wake up as a victim of yourself! Never will you open your eyes in terror as you stare at the monster staring right back at you from your reflection!

You have power! You have choice! You are free!