Narcolepsy- the acute disorder whereby the person’s brain is so “drowsy and sleepy” that it misses the red flags and devotes his or her sanity to the narcissist.

“Not the official dictionary meaning. Intended for literary purposes.”

I sit back and look at the smoke and ashes, the only proof that exists proving that the last few months of my life really happened.

The very existence of this page shoes just how long ago I was meant to say goodbye, Dua Lipa says it best “let’s at least agree to go our separate ways…”

But we never did….

I look at the destruction in my life, caused mostly by terrible and abusive relationships. While this one was far less physically abusive, the mental games and emotional abuse was far more taxing on my physical health than any other period ever was.

I maintain that I dont believe they he didn’t intentionally and that his psychosis was a big part of it to blame. The sad truth though, is that no matter what and to what degree…he was set out to annihilate me, and I think he may have succeeded.

I miss him all the time, in between the moments of overwhelming sadness are moments of exceptional hate for him and the people who aided him.

I dont understand why or how or what, but those questions arent limited to the actions or the dizziness needed in order to allow it to happen. The thing is that I am going to spend such a long time confused by this ordeal and i am depending on that to keep me as far away as possible from the monster that lurks beneath.

• 

All this hurt later…my narcolepsy still leaves me with Stockholm Syndrome!