I’ve always believed that it is the most cliche thing in the world…lovers part and someone cries about how they just cant live without each other…

Yeah sure…breathe honey it’s called oxygen!

Except…EXCEPT…why the fuck does it really feel like that?! Was my judgmental ass just never exposed to a connection or a love or a voodoo that could conjure up this madness?!?!

What witchcraft causes you physical agony from something emotional! His ghosting felt like he was ripping a limb off my body slowly and with not enough force to clean tear it off…like the skin stretches first…then the ligaments…blood everywhere…slow and graphic and painful!

The realization that he is never coming back?! That feels like my chest is about to explode, I have to actively distract myself from thinking about it or even acknowledging it because I fear that I may have an actual heart attack…the symptoms are all right there!

Physical and very real symptoms!

The more I think about how much he hurt me and how embarrassed I am by everything that he is publicly doing now the more convinced I am that all he had to do was just come and get me…I’d get into whatever he picked me up in and go wherever he wanted to knowing that he would do it all again and so much worse!

Why couldnt he be a better man? Just to me?? Why couldnt he have been honest and loyal and true and mine?!

Words hurt…the one thing I’m good at, expressing myself be it through art or writing or exercising…none of those are active because I lose the energy to even express the emotion I feel which is loss…and physical pain…

A death in the family I created in my mind…

Fucking sorcerery!!