It’s been 5 months since he broke up with me, took the kids (his ex’s cats that I adopted), kicked me out and abandoned me and our future…

I may be living somewhere completely different, but I wake up convinced that I’m holding him and he us holding me…I thought we would never let each other go!

The mornings hurt so badly…everything from his scent to the feel of the bed with the children tucked against my feet, his arm wrapped around me…its stil his spot…its still our love.

Being discarded by my person has been the most agonizing thing I’ve experienced…I lost my daddy and I thought that nothing could ever hurt that badly again…but the difference is that my dad didnt choose to leave me, I know with ever fiber of my being that he would never choose that…

My narc, he chose to run, to pretend that I didnt exist and then blame me for his decisions and behavior…and I know that even if I did things perfectly…he would make the same choices.

How do they do it? How did he specifically, do it?

Does he not miss me? Can he not feel that something is missing? Does he not get a pain in his heart as he launches his smear campaigns in order to triangulate and protect his self image?

No matter how long it’s been, trauma bond or not, he found a supply shinier than mine…whichever way we look at it, I wasnt enough.

They hurt and harm and lie and cheat but we are the ones who fall down in the middle of the street, unable to stand up, unable to move…forced down by an invisible power…destined to stay on our knees as our narcs look into our souls with their cold and lifeless eyes…

The final goodbye, as you realize that nothing you ever knew lies behind those eyes.