No fancy “narc” title today, not one that’s punny, funny or remotely intelligent, just and honest and vulnerable share…

It’s been 5 months since my Ex dropped the bomb on me, and kicked me out of his life and the home I had tried to make for us. The cats who were my kids were taken, and along with my dignity and heart…the foundation of my stability was snatched away in an instant.

I spent majority of those 5 months trying to be there for him, work on myself to be better for him and continued to deal with his drama and emotionally and mentally abusive treatment of me. I allowed myself to continue to be manipulated because it meant that he would be close enough for me to save him…

In retrospect…something about that sounds narcissistic…hmmm….

The thing is, every article mentions them coming back for a supply…but I know he never will, and something about that stings like a jelly fish! I’m not even worth enough for him to restock his fuel…the thought of him NOT disrupting my life upsets me…

I hear myself saying this and I realize the insanity….but within the insanity are the truths that make me realize how much I loved him…

I find myself drawn to people with mental health issues because being there for someone who isnt understood and cant fit into the “normal functioning human mold” is something I love doing.

I’ve spoken to someone who has messed up dreams and night terrors and the thing is, I understand it so well because my ex had them pretty severely…and I loved nothing more than holding him through it! It was never a burden! Never something that felt like work! I loved being able to ground him and give him a sense of s

I’m not sure if within hisbown darkness and insecurities he realized how happy I was for him to just be mine and for me to be the one who got to be there for the dark and scary times…

It doesn’t matter now…what’s done is done as they say…but I suppose it makes me sad…that ultimately it wasnt his illnesses or his mental issues…or even his abusive ones that caused us to die…

It was his lack of fight, his unwillingness to come for me…his desire to find a new supply…

All he had to do was stay!