What’s The Narc With You?!

Posted on December 14, 2020May 15, 2022 Posted in UncategorizedTagged #boyfriend, #dating, #girls #girlpower #selflove #advice #realtalk, #moveon, #relationship, #woman #female #empowerment #selflove #whore #notoabuse #selfhelp #psychology #story, abuse, empathy, mental abuse, narcissists, narcs, sociopathLeave a comment

It’s been quiet…a little too quiet…

There has been peace in our dysfunctional alignment…both too afraid to stir up drama…neither having the emotional value to endure yet another pointless war.

This makes me wonder…if my narc is as torn between his worlds as I am? I ponder this question more often than not, because the empath in me sees the clawing child in him. He doesn’t want to fight right now, I can see it, and I know that it’s because he is one crack away from a melt down!

The conundrum however, why wouldn’t he want the drama? Why wouldn’t he want an opportunity to lash out and play the game he was born to play??

Maybe, just maybe, this hurts him as much as it hurts me!

Yes! I know! This is literally text book “take him back” mentality…but the truth is, he has human in him, and maybe I cant draw it out of him, but perhaps finding it is a step in the right direction?

I want to run for cover, but I dont want to be a coward! If I leave, I’m as good as everyone else who abandoned him and I go from being a receiver to a result of the problem!

The part of him that is protected by the narc around him, is worth the pain and worth the sacrifice…

Im not sure if I am the enabler or the enabled…

I Do…Narc You

Posted on December 2, 2020December 14, 2020 Posted in UncategorizedTagged #boyfriend, #dating, #girls #girlpower #selflove #advice #realtalk, #moveon, #relationship, #startover, #woman #female #empowerment #selflove #whore #notoabuse #selfhelp #psychology #story, abuse, empathy, mental abuse, narcissists, narcs, sociopathLeave a comment

What would the wedding vows between a narc and an every day girl who no doubt has her own issues…but one of those issues certainly is not demonstrating narcissistic behavior.

Am I a narcissist for writing this? Am I painting myself as a victim in a self-made massacre??

I sit in this empty parking lot, thinking about how just 2 days ago it felt like it would get better. He made so many promises and so many pleas…I almost foolishly believed him.

But when the party was over…it was over. He had nothing left to add, only so much more to take. My heart aching for a promise of a love that was real but my mind breaking from the evidence of a cruel punishment from a monster born as a result of trauma.

We were meant to get married!! We probably still are. I dont know, it’s not like things between a narc are ever definitive, it is whatever they need it to be in that moment.

It is a special month for me and I have yet to begin the celebrations while focusing on the pain…but eventually I will come to and go on with my life as if he never existed…

It’s a daunting and horrific thought…but it gives me peace. The only “I do” I may be saying is to take myself as mine to protect and hold.

He Told Me He Loved Me – Narc Terminated

Posted on October 24, 2020 Posted in UncategorizedTagged #boyfriend, #dating, #girls #girlpower #selflove #advice #realtalk, #moveon, #relationship, #startover, #woman #female #empowerment #selflove #whore #notoabuse #selfhelp #psychology #story, abuse, empathy, mental abuse, narcissists, narcs, sociopath2 Comments

Isn’t it amazing how with just a single flip of their ever tripping switch we can suddenly forget the near death experience we just had…

Have you ever just wanted the drama and conflict to be over so badly that you would almost go back in time to stop whatever you did to make it erupt into a volcanic annihilation?!

STOP!

If you did not pick out what the problem was in that question, you go and book yourself a therapy session, you do it right now!

Yes! I’m a sucker! Yes I’m still in it! No! I don’t plan on going anywhere! Do you think that’s going to stop me from saving anyone else??

Does anyone out there feel like even though you’ve always known who you really are, and maybe, you even actually kind of liked yourself…you now suddenly pick a mask to don every single day?

The mask choosing is the worst, because each character has been picked apart by the narc and has left you with an array of personalities and every single one of them broken and damaged by their judgmental assassination!

You become the person of many faces, so so many faces, but every single one of them requires some work to arrange well enough so that the shame doesn’t seep out!

This…this is the mask that he may have created, and he may have bruised, but I hid it far away before he could shatter it…the empath!

Wrapped within the sarcasm and bitterness of being the “part time whore” lies someone who is desperate enough to live out her decision, but hopefully, caring enough to at least share the tale and the experience.

You don’t know me and you never will…because I am so far gone from being one person I have created so many identities that mish mash to form one functioning human…but take it from all sides of me…

You cannot heal a soul that no longer exists…and you cannot hate a human without a soul, they don’t deserve it, and honey…neither do you!

The Narc Within

Posted on October 23, 2020 Posted in UncategorizedTagged #boyfriend, #dating, #girls #girlpower #selflove #advice #realtalk, #moveon, #relationship, #startover, #woman #female #empowerment #selflove #whore #notoabuse #selfhelp #psychology #story, abuse, empathy, mental abuse, narcissists, narcs, sociopathLeave a comment

Everyone is so excited to talk about narcissists…they love throwing the term gaslighting around as if it were a packet of free M&Ms…

If you know…you know…if you don’t…you’ll shout it out at the top of your lungs begging for the world to pay attention to you!

I’m in my third abusive relationship…with a sociopathic narcissist and man do I fucking love him. Would die for him. When people say that, they dont really mean it, would they die for the person?

Unless you’re living death, you dont know what it means to sacrifice your sanity, your health and your well being for someone who couldnt care less if you lived or died.

It takes a special sort of person to watch you unable to breathe while still screaming at you and telling you how you’re dramatic! How you dont listen! How YOU DO THIS! Text book!

A year ago, I fought the fight for the narcs saying that it wasnt their fault and if they knew that they needed help and got it they would have a chance…

A year later and completely broken, I’ll tell you now…run…save yourself and run!

The only thing you’ll do if you stay is create a secret blog called ‘Confessions of A Part Time Whore’ because that’s what he called you when you got mad about his close female friend…close…

Before you are named anything else that he is…run…and dont look back…narcs will kill you and tell your rotting corpse that you did it to yourself!

The Rules

Posted on March 17, 2020 Posted in UncategorizedTagged #boyfriend, #dating, #girls #girlpower #selflove #advice #realtalk, #moveon, #relationship, #startover, #woman #female #empowerment #selflove #whore #notoabuse #selfhelp #psychology #storyLeave a comment

Ladies! If he has liked any pictures like this…

If he follows any of these accounts…

And if he says these are artistic…

You’re not a whore…you’re just stupid for listening to a mother fucker who thinks that using the age old tactic of calling a decent woman a bitch to rattle them, will deviate any sense of accountability that they should take for being pieces of shit!

Do I hate men? No

Do I think these woman are wrong? Not even in the slightest!

These ladies who own their bodies and sexualities…the girls “who do them”! Those woman are empowerment…they embody what it means to be unapologetic! They are hot! They know it! And they are successful for it!

If you have integrity, be honest about what you do! Whether you’re working the pole or the court stands…work it! Dont hide what you do or who you are, that’s what strips you’re dignity away! If you are unashamed, you’re honest about what you do, then whoever crosses your path knows what they are getting into.

Here’s where the problem comes in…men who are so quick to ogle woman, drop their jaws at the sight of anyone who can wear a skirt, and do full neck reversals when a boob is partially revealed…those are the same men who call their loving partners “whores”.

My ex, spent hours trolling the net for naked images, pictures of cum shots on women’s faces or bodies…these alternative models…all in the name of art!

He couldn’t remember a single thing I asked him, got mad to the point of dicking out everytime I called him out on anything, and played the victim 24/7! I’d try to get hold of him for hours, to later be shouted at and told that he was busy working…all while he obsessively searched for pictures of these woman with his hand down his pants.

Boys will be boys right? Wrong! As if him making me feel insignificant wasn’t enough, he would refuse to acknowledge my social media accounts because there were “ONLY” pictures of me…I was seeking attention and I was acting like a whore.

My page was filled with him, my family, his pets and some of myself…fully clothed! Somehow this was really trashy behavior. He had a knack for befriending woman who enjoyed shagging married men…they loved causing trouble between us and he loved the attention.

In an attempt to cut me down to size, he lost his shit and proceeded to tell me what a whore I was over the next hour because I sometimes wore skirts and because I had slept with someone else after my previous relationship ended. Apparently, that put me on the same scale as people who purposefully wreck homes, flirt with taken men and have no qualms about actually sleeping around…secretly.

I bought it! I felt so guilty! He was right, I was a tramp!

Except I wasn’t! I just wasnt anorexic enough, or photoshopped enough or had enough make up on. I didn’t display my boobs or bum enough…I wasnt sexy enough to “compete” with these woman. The fact that I still got attention despite not being any of those things only irritated him further.

So here’s the crux…screw the double standards! If your man thinks it’s cool to drool over every woman ever but not have enough time for you, then they can take their lazy asses and see if those woman would take care of them the way that you do!

If he is enjoying more explicit content than that one time your bra strap slid out from beneath your spaghetti top and he asked you to stop being a tart…then he can take his childish balls elsewhere, because Queens dont have time to raise their Kings!

Fuck That

Posted on February 20, 2020 Posted in UncategorizedTagged #boyfriend, #dating, #moveon, #relationship, #startover, #woman #female #empowerment #selflove #whore #notoabuse #selfhelp #psychology #storyLeave a comment

On a blog titled ‘Confessions Of A Part Time Whore’ …you must be assuming that I’m about to dish the dirt on that one time I went full on ho and was like…”oooo I’m going to fuuuuuuuuuuuck that…” and then I did…

No!

This is about that time I sat on my lounge couch at 22:55 staring at the phone screen opened to my piece of shit ex-boyfriend who broke up/took s break/broke up/taking a breath/whatever from me so that he could lie, see his female friends who are actually promiscuous and treat me like crap without consequences…

So basically everything he did in the relationship except now more openly while continuing to make me feel bad for stuff that I never did. The entire disastrous relationship was apparently my fault. And even if I were lying right now…no one person can solely screw up…he doesn’t think he even has a tiny part to play.

Whatever, I dont care anymore, except of course I do!

So I sit staring at this screen because sanity is no longer an option! I have to go out of my way to he a stalker so that I can prove that this dip shit is actually a lying piece of crap! Here’s the worst part…I dont believe for a single second that he is messing around with other pekple even though he has the freedom to.

I just think he is enjoying the attention and the ladies he gets to interact with. No matter how faithful he is, he does have a roving eye and loves a challenge, it’s more just about proving that he can score…he has some insecurities.

He read my last message at 18:33…the next message I received from him was at 22:21…and he had come online numerous time in between then!

He sends this stupid message about things that dont even matter, completely jovial and unapologetic. This sack of beans just lies all the time. Hangs around with females who are skanky and only date married men and have made advances in him in front of me, and then joined him as he belittled me in front of them for calling him out on it.

Why does it matter? We arent together anymore? Well yeah, except we kind of are when he feels like it, and I’m too loyal and stupid to stop playing this game.

Good thing I’m such a whore…

My First Time

Posted on February 16, 2020February 16, 2020 Posted in womanTagged #woman #female #empowerment #selflove #whore #notoabuse #selfhelp #psychology #storyLeave a comment

I dont know if this is completely accurate, if I think about it now I was so oblivious to the world around me, I was probably stripped of my “whoreginity” long before I realized!

I’m not going to include the times that some three year old with their barely broken voices and lack of facial hair screamed out a “slut” or a “bitch” at me…no sweety learn how to spell first.

I’m talking about a grown ass man or woman who decided that because my titties were bigger than theirs, they earned the right to label me.

Firstly, what is a whore? Because as far as I’m aware, most men feel like prostitution is an honest living, as is stripping and so on. I don’t disagree, if you own it, then do it!

The terminology seems to stem from that line of the work, the industry that is populated by a large percentage of, men! Perhaps that is why they feel they are experts on the subject of what makes a girl a woman, or a whore.

Let’s move along shall we, I mean, honesty is the best policy is it not? I don’t know about you, but every time I was shamed, it was by a guy who felt like he wasn’t hurting me, but helping me! You know, growth, and stuff.

I suppose I should feel grateful to the 27 year old who took advantage of the fact that my friend had died on that day to creep into my 18 year old never been kissed life!

Now I’m not going to Tay-Tay through these recounts, I take accountability for the stupidity with which I make my decisions…but if you pay close enough attention, I’m not going to pretend that there isn’t a pattern.

So my decade old “boyfriend” forces me into having my first kiss, because that’s okay. Its not rape or harrassment…we are dating, he will marry me, and my parents cant know about us right now anyway…so who will I tell?

Eventually I realize that this isn’t okay, I don’t want to be lying and sneaking around to see a man I’m not attracted to all because he has threatened to tell my overprotective family that not only do I have boyfriend, but that it turned out to be a friend of the family for the last 10 years.

I try to break up with him, he doesn’t take it well, and so it begins:

“You know what, dating me so that I can take care of you and buy you gifts so you can show off to your hot college guy friends is disgusting! This is beneath you, when did you become this way? Using me? You pursued me! I put myself out there, you accepted, that’s pursuing…do you know what this behavior is? You’re being a whore -insert full name here- , a whore! Do you know what a whore is? You must, because you’re acting like one! Now say sorry and we dont have to do this!”

Now I dont even feel the need to explain which parts of those are untrue, whether he took care of me or not, whether I pursued him or not, I feel like almost everyone will see this story play out with themselves as the lead characters…because that’s how often it happens.

So ladies…and gentlemen…that’s how I became a whore, I tried to stop a relationship that I should not have entered into.

Am I in the clear? No

Does it make me a whore?

I guess so!

Confessions Of A Narc Addict

Tag: #woman #female #empowerment #selflove #whore #notoabuse #selfhelp #psychology #story